Thank You

​Thank you for putting up with my shit jokes and the way I look in the mornings (especially after a night out).

Thank you for not only putting up with my emotional state, but cheering me up and helping me through it. 

Thank you for being my best friend. Being the person I can goof around with and the person I am dying to tell everything to. 

Thank you for sliding into my life at the right but most unexpected time. You turned my own world upside down and so much brighter. 

Thank you for making me feel comfortable with myself and the person I’ve become. 

Thank you for being so beautiful, genuine and just always knowing what to say and do at the right time. 

Thank you for all the memories we’ve made, that when I think about them, I instantly smile. 

Thank you for being the person I want to spend my future with, and who makes me excited for that future.

Thank you for being the person that I have fallen in love with. 

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What’s so special about me?

There was knocking at my door, much to my surprise it was Mark. I had told a load of people in my drunken state that he had cheated and was a dick, evidently getting back round to him. 

We sat down for a cigarette and he was so hesitant and quiet. I didn’t know what to say as I was mixed with emotions. I had felt like I lost my best friend and he just showed up but it was clear something had happened. 

He looked up and told me he was in a fight today. A fight over me. Dominic (a guy who delt to Mark) said he was in love with me and kissed me; which when that happened I pulled away instantly and left due to Mark. 

But this day, Dom and Mark had knives at each other… Over me. 

There is nothing special about me, and the way I treated them both was awful-ti this day I don’t understand why it happened. Steven, the 26 year old, the ‘main guy’ whose flat we stayed in 6ft+ and a size you would not want to mess with, -he stopped the fight and said the words “I will just shag her myself”. 

After I was told about this, we went to Steven’s and walking into the living room, everyone turned and looked at me. 

Now in this house, it’s owned by Steven and Tina (33 years old) they’re engaged. And other than Tina, I am the only girl, there were about 15 lads that went to this house with me and they all happened to be there this day of  the fight. 

The moment we saw Dom, Mark held my thigh and Dom left the flat. 

4:20 Was the Best Time of Day

Well not specifically 4:20, but I felt it a clever title. I’m not going to explain why it’s 4.20 is weed time , but we’ll just roll with it (pun not intended). 

In retrospective weed is a ‘safer’drug-its legal in some countries, helps health issues and despite how invalid this argument may seem, compared to alcohol , weed’s effects are less dangerous and damaging. 

My first ever joint was the biggest disappointment, I could barely feel an affect, I just wanted food when I was home. However, over time this became a daily affair, into a weekly affai, to the point I went 5 weeks and 4 days having atleast one spliff every day. Not a highlight of my life, however this lead to worse. 

At the time , me and (let’s just say the  guy I was shagging)  had to scavenger across my village for an extra £2 for a gram- upon reflection, I just wanted to make this guy happy. He had cheated on me already and then we just became whatever we did, and he kept giving me hope. 

Weed being illigeal means that you are more exposed to other drugs-this is why it’s a ‘gate-way’… Resulting in further use. Something in a future blog post. 

This isn’t like Me.

How can a person go from so innocent to what I’ve become?

A year or so ago, the thought of sex grossed me out. I found drugs revolting, smoking even worse. I was anti-drinking and had bad social anxiety. 

Then 2016 comes and bam you’re a slag. I was meeting a new lad every week. Sometimes I met multiple lads in a day. In the space of a week, I fucked a lad (completely al-fresco), sucked another off, tossed off another, snogged a girl and also a guy. Only two of these events were drunken and unfortunately it’s the last two.

What happened? How can a person change so dramaticaly? If you are already judging me, then trust me-too it gets worse.

For the pure purpose of hiding identities, throughout this blog I shall give fake names.

It got to the point that after spending one day with a genuine nice lad, I fucked his best mate dry, the next day I had a free house- my ex who previously cheated arrived and we were at it for 4 hours. 2 days later I was in my ex’s best mate’s living room tossing him off with a 10 year old close by.

Disgusting. I know.

I’ve been in a relationship for 3 months with some one who quite literally saved me – yay let’s drag out the cliches. Now I very much live by ‘treat her like a princess, fuck her like a slut’. People who aren’t in relationships are missing out big-time.